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Papa Lazarou II
Boy Bands

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Ah yes, BOYBANDS, one of the scourges of the global music industry....usally consist of 4-5 pubescent young men who can dance, mime and interact with 11 year old girls. They come from countries worldwide with the sole intention of being taken 'seriously'. Hehe. And they say this AFTER they've launched their tour which sees them touring primary schools and baring their fake-tanned torsos to screaming childern. Unpleasant to say the least.
    Townie girls generally love boy bands bcause they like to pretend that the posters covering their walls are actually their boyfriends (I've noticed that even older teenage Townies still have this syndrome-I noticed a 19yr old Townie reading 'Sugar' magazine the other day-aimed at 11-14 year olds. Need I say any more on the subject of immaturity??)

   They usually all follow the same guidelines for single releases, image forming, image changes, and break ups. This is because cliche's sell and all major record labels like to have a couple under them.
    Have you noticed all boy bands look the same? This is because of the set member images. Check any boy band for these-it's particularly blatant in the American boy bands:

Lead singer-a bit ugly and could be slimmer. Always wears one of those comfy-knit wooly jumpers.

Second verse/chorus singer-The cute one 'babyface' looks because he's only 16. Wears same comfy jumper but turns weird after first album and decides to cut/grow hair.

Weird rapper-Can sometimes have memory of playing first grade piano/guitar, so is given one to mime with in the slush ballads. Raps just before the vital key change in every song.

The two ugly background singers-Have to mime even when the lead singer and second singer is singing live on Top Of The Pops. One of them will usually leave because of enforced
fatherhood/marriage/realisation that he has no life during the promotion of the second album.

   Single releases for the debut album go like this:

1) Catchy, up-beat song which encourages you to 'bounce around everybody' and 'the party's at our house', with rapping in the middle from the freaky member with bleach blonde dreads/numerous piercings. Released after the massive promotion phase in which they perform around primary schools and free local radio road shows-a sure no.1.

2) Another dance-around tune including such original lyrics such as 'you're my baby' and 'come and get funky'. Another number one hit. They are featured on chart/teenybopper TV show compilation albums and are seen around London/NYC's great clubs.

3) Slushy ballad about 'the long windin' road baby' and 'I'll always be true'. Rapping member idly strums his guitar/plonks the piano on the video with the rest of the band walking though a dirty street or waiting at a station.

4) Whatever the current summer trend is. Last year it was bouncing and harpsichord, the year before it was Latino. This year-I expect they'll all go nu-metal.

5) Usually a ballad but increased in tempo than the other ballad. Features every band member singing his own chorus.

   The image change comes after this album on their tour when they realise they're not 'hard enough'. They change to the latest trend.

  Chris Moyles' example of how easy it is to make a boy band single is amazing. Check out the links section to get a link to the download of Ghettolife's 'You're My Baby' on mp3.

   Boyband examples (see Multimedia section for pictures):

Westlife
Boyzone (now should be Happily Married Men Zone)
N*SYNC
Backstreet Boys
98 Degrees
A1
O-Town (new manufactured US boyband which featured on the C4 TV series 'Making The Band' apparently-check out the name of their first single. What WERE they thinking...)*

*I wrote this a while ago, haha! The single was called 'Liquid Dreams'....now I hope you catch my drift!

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